There are many things that I have learned throughout this journey, but most importantly I have learned to trust my gut and to not give up. I was told time and time again that my symptoms were in my head, it was just allergies, I needed a therapist, maybe I should just workout more. I knew that it was more than that and despite the hurdles with doctors and health insurance, I continued to fight for an answer.
At this point, the questions is, how do I feel?
After all of this, physically, I am feeling more like myself. I am still healing and will be for a while. I am still having some shortness of breath, but I am sure that is due to the swelling that I am encountering. I know in the next few months, I will continue to heal and get stronger than I ever was before; physically and mentally.
16.5cm x 7.7cm x 1.3 cm
(6.5″ x 3.03″ x 0.5″)
Mentally, honestly this has been a roller coaster of emotions. I am still a little… I don’t want to say angry… I guess, disappointed would be a better word, or maybe a word that falls in between those two. The reason being the journey that it took to get here with the 25+ doctors I saw before discovering the tumor that was growing in my chest. This tumor that was on my scans in July 2019 and was not discovered until March 2020. By the time we got to it, it was attaching itself to my heart. Who knows where I would be if it was not for the amazing and determined doctors at the Mayo Clinic. Doctor after doctor at Mayo showed how they listened to patients, how they would even say, “I can’t feel the things you are feeling, so I trust you and will not stop until we find the cause.” I have told many of the doctors that saw me in Tennessee the diagnoses and I will continue to share my story to hopefully help people in the future.
Once I learned how rare this diagnoses was, I became more understanding. 1 in 1.5 million is very rare, so it does make sense why this was not on the radar of doctors in Tennessee and why it took an organization like the Mayo Clinic to find it. When talking to my cardiologist in TN, she said the last time she saw a Thymoma was 20 years ago and that was only because the radiation injured her patients heart. She then brought in a Resident and had me share my diagnoses, so he would look for them in the future.
When the pandemic hit on top of all of this, I was terrified with what the future would hold. But there is a big silver lining here. In no other time in my life, would I have been able to stay home to heal and it be the recommended thing to do by the world health professionals. I am so lucky to have had Jim at home with me during this time and to have the stimulus, funding from Music Industry grants and unemployment to help with bills. Being a Freelance Event Manager, my entire industry was the first one to stop due to COVID-19 and will be the last one to return. I am not missing any events by having this surgery and I am taking the time to heal. I continue to remind myself of this as it takes longer than expected to get back to feeling myself.
June 26
Jim has been furloughed since March 19. During this time his hotel was sold and now has new management and new ownership. Thankfully on June 26, he got a call from the new management and got his job back! This is such a relief and a blessing for us.
The next step is for me to find a way to make a living once the unemployment stimulus runs out at the end of July. It doesn’t look like events will be coming back until next fall at the earliest, so I am looking to hopefully find projects that I can work on from home while I continue to heal.
I am so thankful for all of my wonderful family, friends and co-workers that encouraged me, supported me and covered for me throughout this process. Every delivery, bouquet, card, text, facebook post, call, etc. lifts my heart so much. I honestly do not know what I would do without each and every one of you.
If you ever find yourself in a situation like this, I want you to know that I am here for you. Please reach out with any questions you may have or if you need support or encouragement to get through any battle that you might be fighting.
If you have been through a surgery like this and have any other tips and tricks, I would love to include them in this blog. I have spent so much time online searching for recommendations or expectations from people that have actually experienced something like this and could only find articles from doctors or hospitals with unrealistic timelines and not much information. I hope this can help someone else through this experience.
